$8/hr, Splitting Headaches & Possessions

I just can't get into the swing of things lately. I've had so many ideas for Sane & Satisfied and for my other ventures but my body can't keep up.

Ain't that how life goes, though? You don't regret the things you did, you regret the things you didn't do. Well, I reckon I'll be regretting a lot of things. And here I go getting morbid and mushy.

Anywho...

Rainbows & Change

Rainbows

I remember when I finally came to terms with the fact that it was time to put my first business, Buttons & Rainbows, to bed. I say put to bed because I was open and still am open to the possibility of working on it again in the future. But at the time, I was really saying goodbye.

I sat in my office and cried for almost an hour. Then, for about a week, I didn't step foot in my office. I could barely look at my door. I don't remember how I spent my time, probably doing housework and working on my laptop downstairs. But I just couldn't go in my office.

Bumber Stickers & Rhetorical Questions

I saw this bumper sticker on the way back from BloggyCon today that said, "What greater wisdom is there than kindness?"

At first I thought it was a challenge and I immediately started to think of answers. "Well, there's honesty and accepting humanity, both the messy and the beautiful parts and there's helping people provide for themselves..."

Brands & Symbols

The problem with brands is they give us a false sense of security and confidence.

Yesterday, at BloggyCon, Debba Haupert from Girlfriendology.com talked about branding your blog. I understand why someone would want to brand their blog. I get the power of branding. But is it the only way? And do brands hurt our sense of self education?

We are all taught that we are busy people. Graphic designers are told that they should design for a 5 second attention span. So they churn out huge, attention-getting headlines add a few emotional pictures and tell us why something is the greatest ever in under 5 seconds all while connecting to their brand.

The Mountains & Bloggy Con

The Mountains

Driving through the hills and trees to get to the Bloggy Conference in Ohio I realized that I felt extremely comforted. I'm from Illinois where it's flat as a pancake. It feels airy and thoughtful. But over the last few months I have realized that feel most comfortable taking action instead of thinking all the time.

Although I'm naturally an action-oriented person I've been spending much of my life thinking and planning. It's been quite frustrating. Last month I threw away my endless todo list and while a couple times I've had so much going on that I just had to write stuff down I don't have the years worth of tasks and chores anymore.

Control & Release

It has not been a Sane & Satisfied week.

I've been juggling working for my dad and starting my business for a while now and it's getting to me. I try to use the techniques and advice I talk about on here but sometimes there's just too much.

I should be leaving right now, actually, to go to the Bloggy Conference in Mason, OH but I felt the need to journal. Sometimes you just need to get it all out. And sometimes that's all you can do.

Frugality, Humanity & Money

I started reading a book this morning called Frugal Luxuries. I have found many books like this that come to me at the most perfect of moments. It's been sitting on the floor by my bookshelf for a while (the shelves are overflowing at the moment) and I almost forgot I had it until this morning.

For a few years, I've been trying to pay attention to the small comforts of life. My husband and I made a hammock stand last year and I try to relax in it as much as I can (although, I have to admit, it's not as often as I would like.) I've also been making sun tea for ourselves and to sell at our local Farmers Market. And the simple fact that I get to sit outside all morning at my booth at the Farmers Market has become a simple pleasure. I enjoy eating freshly made food at home and singing along with my Jazz CD while I clean or do the dishes.

Simplicity & The Smorgasbord

I was doing yoga in my living room this morning and glanced at 3 of my exercise/fitness books. I immediately thought, "why do I need 3 exercise books". I also keep 10 exercise videos in my Netflix Instant Queue and have a binder with several teared out pages of exercises and tips I found in various magazines.

I've been wrestling recently with the ideas of Simplicity and Smorgasbord. Everyone tells you that you should reduce the amount of stuff (tasks, food, meetings, news, household items, etc) in your life to make it less stressful. I agree with this practice but it's hard to reduce stuff when you are trying to educate yourself or acquire new skills.

Fantasies, Lack-Luster Lives & the Superhumans We Long To Be

We have been taught by our parents, friends, authors, film-makers and media that Superhumans only exist in the minds of their creators and the film we watch them on. They are a fantasy dreamed up for our entertainment so we can forget about our boring, mundane, normal, lack-luster lives. From time forgotten humans have been trying to fill the boredom. From inventing stories about the stars to watching so-called reality TV we have created worlds that far outmatch the one we are forced to live in every day.

The characters that inhabit these worlds are far more interesting than any of us mere mortals. They do things and say things and have things we only dream of. We watch them with glitter in our eyes and try to imitate them. These creatures, hatched from our own minds, who are inspired by our lives yet so removed from them, inspire us to do things and say things and have things that we so long for but are scared to actually obtain. And even though they come from us and who we are we will never hope to be them.

They are a fantasy. And fantasies are sacred. Probably the only sacred thing left in this world.

Supermen, Superwomen, Superlives only exist in creative imagination.

This is what we are taught.

We are taught to look for these Superbeings in space, in the future, in the past, in other universes, in politics, on TV, in books, in news headlines, in mysterious events. A whole genre is devoted to them: The Comic Book. We believe in these fictional characters more than we believe in ourselves. And we let them tell us how to live our lives, what to believe, who to trust. And we let them choose the villains too. And how to fight them.

Superhumans can be a positive influence or a crutch. While believing in them makes you want to be a better person they also make you forget how much power you have already. They also can become so big and amazing that they over-shadow the wonderful things that are in your life right now.

Look up to the Superhumans in your life, both real and imagined, let them inspire you to do great things. But make sure that, above all, they are inspiring you to find the Superhuman inside yourself.

Things Left Over, Responsible Things, & Promises to Myself

Everyday I wake up and go over in my head all the things I want to do during the day. This list always consists of:
1. Things left over from the previous day.
2. Responsible things like doing the dished, cleaning, exercising and such.
3. Things I've been wanting to do for a while but can't seem to find the time to do like draw something or work on a craft.
4. Things I promise myself I'll do everyday but never do like stay away from sweets or relax on my hammock.

This little routine is very exhausting. From the time I wake up to the time I go to bed I'm painfully aware of everything I'm not getting done each and every day. And these are things I actually want to accomplish. They are things I daydream about when I'm doing less enjoyable tasks like trying to figure out why a website isn't working right or driving a really long stretch of highway.

They are things that when I do finally get around to doing them I feel content and I feel like myself.

In my last post I wrote about self interest and how it shouldn't be as bad as we tend to think. Self interest is what makes our lives work for us It's what keep us alive and healthy and happy. Self interest is also what motivates us to quit a dead-end job in order to pursue our dream of opening a bakery.

So why doesn't self interest come to the rescue on days when I have a list of things I'd really want to do but never can seem to get done? Self help gurus would probably explain to me that I'm fearful of success or that I don't believe in myself. They would proceed to sell me their bright, shiney self help program designed to tackle my fears or a give me a mantra I repeat to myself every morning that's guaranteed to convince me that, "I can do it!"

I say, "Puh-Lease!"

Their conclusions might be correct but is the answer really to sit in front of a mirror willing my brain to do things? Aside from the fact that bad habits plays a big role in why we don't accomplish the things we want (and we all know how hard it is to break our nasty habits) we need to accept the fact that any change we make is not going to be easy. And isn't that what self help gurus are really trying to sell us: A quick fix.

Why do so many people try to over-complicate self improvement?
If you are like me and wake up in the morning wishing you were a published writer or that you speak French or you simply want to eat healthier then stop wasting time talking to yourself in the mirror and just take the first step already. You don't have to put labels on parts of your life. You don't have to follow someone else's 10 step program. Write your own 10 step program and make sure every step is an actual step toward your goals.

In Conclusion
Self help gurus and other experts make it seem like life is more complicated than it really is. And life is dreadfully complicated.

I do need to take my own advice, though. It's really hard to figure out what you want and to hold on to that quite, fragile notion all day, everyday is even harder. You don't have to practice for a better life. You can take actual, real steps right now. And each time you take action by learning a new skill or just getting off the coach you are already living your goal.

Life's Purpose, "Giving back" & Why Self-Interest Really Isn't Bad

I just read an article on the Huffington Post by Douglas Labier titles, "Why It's So Hard to Find Your Life's Purpose". It's a pretty good read for being self-helpy - mostly because he actually acknowledges that books and programs that promise to show you how to find your life's purpose don't work.

But the main point of his article is that in order to find you life's purpose you must participate in "service to something larger than your ego". This sounds obvious. We've always been taught to help others and give to te greater good. As children we were taught to share with other children.

Labier's article is one of many examples I see every day about the nobility of giving to others. I run an after-school program called Entrepreneur Teens Rock that teaches teens how to start their own business. As part of the program they participated in Lemonade Day, a national organization that organizes young people to run a lemonade stand on the same day. In their kit they give to the kids to help them prepare for running their lemonade stand, the last chapter is called "Banking & Giving Back". It instructs the kids to open a savings account and encourages them to give some of their earnings to a charity for those who don't have the opportunity to run a lemonade stand.

I have no problem with giving to charity or those less fortunate. But I do have a problem with this notion that business, even a small one like a lemonade stand, only takes from its customers and others. I mean, didn't the youth who participated in Lemonade Day make their customers happy? Ok, you could say that it doesn't count because the customers paid for the refreshing cups of lemonade they received. The customers had to give something to the kids in order to get their lemonade.

So I just have one question: When you give to charity, you don't get anything in return? When you donate money to the Red Cross or collect food for the Food Pantry do you walk away with less then you had before?

While giving feels like a sacrifice you wouldn't do it unless it made you happy. Right? And when giving to charity or volunteering neglects to make you happy you either quit giving or you give begrudgingly. This is nothing to feel ashamed about.

Why is making people's lives better in exchange for money not as noble as making someone's life better in exchange for feeling good about yourself?

In his article, Labier does point out that self interest and the ego are a part of being human but in the next sentence he says we should strive to rise above our egos. It's not our egos and self interest that are the problem. Believe me, no matter what you do with your life your ego will be right there with you. The problem is that we don't embrace our self interest as a beautiful tool to judge the quality of our life.

The conclusion that Labier should have reached if he was being honest and respected his own self interest is that people who find their purpose in life are able to satisfy their self interest. The woman musician who starts a non-profit teaching music to inner-city kids is just as noble and in line with her life's purpose as the CEO of a multi-billion dollar company who provides thousands of jobs to people from all walks of life selling widgets that make our lives easier.

Your life's purpose can be anything. Even if it involves making money. Don't turn away from it because people like Labier make it seem less noble.

Honesty, Hogwash & Miracle Whip

Honesty keeps popping up when I think about Sane & Satisfied. And being honest matters most in the things you tell yourself and the things you think about yourself.

By nature, we tend to think poorly of ourselves. It's easy to believe in something negative about yourself and a lot more difficult to believe in something encouraging. Many people, mostly psychologists and self help gurus, will tell you to stop that negative thinking and repeat, "I am a wonderful person and people love me", while staring at yourself in the mirror.

What a bunch of nonsense drenched in hogwash.

They are forgetting two important things:
1. I don't know if anyone told you but we are flawed beings. Saying a human has a bad habit or a negative personality trait is like saying sunlight will burn you if you stand outside too long without sunscreen.
And 2. Stuffing our flaws in a mental closet and slapping a smile on our face doesn't make us better humans, only humans with repressed flaws.

Why are we so scared of ourselves?

We are taught by parents and teachers and bosses and marketing gurus and experts to hide our flaws. Even social media experts tell us to develop a "social media strategy" so every Tweet and post and status update is planned in perfect synchronization.

I saw a commercial for Miracle Whip the other day. They used a lo-fi technique to record people on the street give their opinion of Miracle Whip. Some people said they loved it but others said it tasted horrible and they prefer real Mayonnaise. This sort of marketing is unheard of. Not only did Miracle Whip point out its flaws but they even gave kudos to their competitor. Risky, ingenious and glaringly honest.

When a company tries so hard to hide its flaws it can miss a golden marketing innovation like Miracle Whip's commercial. The same applies to humans. WE try so hard to contain the perceived negative bits of ourselves that we smother the truth: We are flawed but in and among those flaws are beautiful bits of ourselves.

Your mother was right: Honesty is the best policy. If you want to improve yourself and your life the best thing you can do is be honest about whatever it is you think you need to change. And if you must stare at yourself in the mirror, start by saying, "I am not perfect and here's why..." Honesty just feels better.

Higher Education, Self Education & the Ultimate Equalizer

I just read a post by Race Bannon over on The Art of Self Education about the costs of higher education effecting the decision to attend college. I agree with Race's comment about the increased cost of college has resulted in many young people questioning whether college is right for them. My comment to his post started out as simply a, "thanks for pointing that out, can't wait to read more" comment but as I started to write I thought of the deeper meaning of his post and the discussion he started and how it relates to Sane & Satisfied.

Are Colleges "Too Expensive"?

I can’t say whether most colleges are “too expensive”; I’ve never run a college or researched how much it costs per student. I suspect that state funded colleges are “too expensive” only because, being funded by a government entity, they don’t have much motivation to keep costs down. But I think that if private colleges and universities have raised their tuition over the last years its because of a rise in supplies and other resources needed for the school to function and probably more so, from a rise in demands from the students and their parents. With so many more Americans going to colleges today than 20 plus years ago that brings with it more expense to the school. So while I agree that this increase has caused possibly a beginning discussion about the value of alternative learning I just wanted to point out that it’s not a mystery or conspiracy why colleges have gotten more expensive (as some people would have you believe.)
I also wanted to mention that the mentality surrounding college education changed drastically which resulting in an influx of young people attending college. Parents who wanted “better lives” for their children saw college as a way to get that better life. And then it became common practice to encourage every child to go to college no matter that child’s ability. Some people are not made for a college environment. Nor is everyone in the best position to go to college. Before, children stayed at home to take care of ailing parents and grand parents or to help on the farm or the family business. I’m not saying that I expect young people forgo a college education to help out at home but I think there has been so much expectation for young people to go to college that we don’t consider anymore if the child is ready or if the family can even afford it.
So I think all of these factors have resulted in people today realizing that they might not be able to afford going to college. But the other side to all of this are the businesses now who require a college education for a job that doesn’t really require one. I hope that with this rethinking of attending college comes a rethinking of the requirements demanded by employers.
I’m also thinking of this from a political perspective too. I’ve been hearing a lot about equality lately and of course I agree with equality from the standpoint of how the government treats a group of people. But equality does not mean that if someone has the ability to go to college then they have the right to go. I think we need to start recognizing that while we should all have the same freedoms to pursue the life we want we all don’t have the same talents, abilities, skills, motivation, money or luck to make those desires become a reality. And that brings me back to self education: In the end, the degree to which we have all those things I just mentioned doesn’t matter. If we have self education skills and knowledge we can create the life we want no matter where we started in life. The solution to most everything, at least for me, always comes back to self education. Self Education is the ultimate equalizer!

So what does Self Education have to do with Sane & Satisfied

I think that self education is a huge ingredient in being Sane & Satisfied. How can you possibly be happy, content and successful in life if you are ignorant about yourself, your history and current affairs?
The difference between self education and traditional learning (think about your public school education) is that in traditional learning you are reliant on an authority figure giving you the answers and facts and dates to memorize. This is not natural or true learning. It does not help you to develop an understanding about the subject. Self Education gives you that understanding.
The more you understand about yourself and the world around you the more happier you will be because you will have the skills and knowledge necessary to shape your world. You will no longer be someone's puppet and you will realize a lot sooner when someone is pulling the wool over your eyes.