Rainbows & Change

Rainbows

I remember when I finally came to terms with the fact that it was time to put my first business, Buttons & Rainbows, to bed. I say put to bed because I was open and still am open to the possibility of working on it again in the future. But at the time, I was really saying goodbye.

I sat in my office and cried for almost an hour. Then, for about a week, I didn't step foot in my office. I could barely look at my door. I don't remember how I spent my time, probably doing housework and working on my laptop downstairs. But I just couldn't go in my office.

Then one day I woke up and the pain and confusion was pretty much gone and I was able to sit at my desk once again and figure out where I was going. Since then my business adventure has taken a few more turns, each one getting me closer to my goal.

It's like a puzzle. Sometimes, or most of the time, you have to try different pieces in different ways until something fits. And when you have that piece situated you can move on to the next piece. I finally situated a piece I've been working on for a while.

I won't go into any great detail because it's a long boring story but the short version is that I've been working for my dad as a website designer and marketing director for about 3 years now. This is the longest I've ever kept a job but I've felt for a while that it's been time to move on. I'm not happy designing websites anymore and I have so many ideas for my own ventures and it's just been stressful trying to keep everything up in the air. So a few days ago I told my dad I can't work for him anymore.

Change

I read a book a while ago called Renaissance Soul by Margaret Lobenstine. Renaissance Souls are people who can't commit to just one passion or interest. They shouldn't be confused with people suffering from ADD or other attention disorders. They just simply find excitement and meaning in experiencing various things and having various goals and activities going on at once. I'm a Renaissance Soul.

The one thing Margaret doesn't mention or at least doesn't spend enough time on is the importance of allowing yourself to change and move on to something new. You don't have to be a Renaissance Soul to understand what it's like to know that something in your life is wrong but not having the strength or resources to make a change.

Most people are resistant to change. We make up stories about why we can't change or why we shouldn't change. The story I kept telling myself was, "We need the money, so I can't quit." I'm sure I'm not the first person to realize that doing something only for money only gets you so far. It is true that we need the money. What's not true is that working for my dad is the only way to get money.

I'm beginning to feel the way I did when I set Buttons & Rainbows aside. I'm a little scared, worried, anxious, excited and sad. The only feeling I don't have is regret. Well, I take that back...I do feel regret but only because I didn't do this sooner.

Accept change and allow yourself to let go of things even if it's scary. Resisting healthy change messes with your mind and energy and focus and just makes you miserable. Don't let anyone make you think your decision to change is bad. Remember that most people are afraid of change. They most likely are telling you not to change because they are afraid, not because they think it's a bad idea.