Why Self Help Gurus Get It Wrong

Self Help is a bit of a misnomer. You would think that if you read a self help book or went to a self help seminar that you would be getting valuable information to, I don't know, help yourself. I've found that this is rarely the case in the self help industry.

For a woman to actually help herself she would need to (I'm sure you know the pattern by now) learn something new. This new something can be a skill, knowledge, practical facts or more information, a new concept or tool she can put in practice or insights about herself that can help get her to where she wants to be. No matter what it is it must be something she can use in her own life.

Self Help rarely ever teaches new skills and mostly hands out new concepts and facts that don't really help. The facts may give us more information about a topic which is a bit helpful but it never really goes farther than being a nice anecdote or informational tidbit. The Self Help industry continues to fall short of ever really, truly helping people yet women continue to give billions of dollars to make themselves feel better.

Forbes.com wrote an article back in 2009 about the Self Help industry from the standpoint of what people continue to pay for even during an economic downturn. Forbes quoted Brian Tracy, "People keep buying because they like to feel like they're improving themselves." Brian is a head of a self help book and seminar business. Notice how he says "because they like to feel" and not "because they are". This is just one article on one website but I think it pretty much summarizes why and how the self help industry gets so much money. You can read the entire article here.

Now, I am not advocating making the self help industry illegal. They are not forcing people to give them money. And for the most part they aren't really even lying or committing fraud. I believe in a free market and if people continue to give money to a non-fraudulent business that's their issue. I just hope that my blog encourages women to stop giving their hard earned money to programs they really don't need.

It's Just Problem Solving, People!

The self help industry's lack of teaching practical skills is just one thing they get wrong. They also assume that what worked for them will work for everyone else. Self Help gurus are extremely good at telling you the problems they had, the struggles they went through and then, that simple epiphany, where everything made sense to them and they were able to turn their life around. What they are really describing is problem solving. Plain and simple.

Every woman has the innate ability to problem solve. You might be out of practice but you have all the resources you need... namely... your brain. You have the same ability to look at your life and figure out what you want to improve and then figure out what you need to do in order to improve it. When the gurus tell you about their epiphanies and stories of success it all sounds magical and mysterious. But it's really nothing more than the classic Brain vs. Problem.

You Aren't Broken, You're Just Human

The self help industry's biggest mistake is making millions, perhaps billions, of people feel like there's something wrong with them. Most women want to improve themselves. Who wouldn't? It's human nature to strive for more. It's also human nature to not be perfect.

You are not broken because you can't meditate or don't know how to "think positively to achieve your goals". First of all, while meditation can be a stress reliever, it's not the only stress relieving tool available to you. And secondly even if you could meditate or "think positively" you are still going to have to do a lot more to make whatever improvement you want to make. The self help industry shows you things that most humans don't know how to do in the first place and then scolds you for not knowing how to do it yourself.

If you want to learn how to meditate or think positively because you believe that it's a tool that can help you to your goals, that's fine. Just don't spend time and money on these things just because some self help guru told you to.


I wish the self help industry would understand that there's no magic pill for life. Humans don't fall neatly into a one-size-fits-all box. And we aren't broken, damn it!

Saturday Smorgasboard: Traditional Skills

What is Saturday Smorgasbord?

In Saturday Smorgasbord we celebrate all the skills, talents, resources, hobbies and ideas that humans can use to grow and prosper. You have everything you need to get started right now. So get up and start creating! Because there's no magic pill for life.

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Many of us have no need for traditional skills. Things like building a fire, sewing clothes and making shelter are of a past that most of us have a hard time imagining. Humans have made great strides in the past 100 years. And even greater strides in the past 10-20 years. It seems as though the human motto is "Faster & Easier".


I don't want to knock the Industrial Age, but in the grand scheme of things we have lost a lot of the skills we once knew because we have leveraged the power of machinery. This has left, at least countries like America, largely ignorant of the skills that got us where we are today.


Learning lost skills like fire making, building, growing your own food and pretty much any skill that requires you to get your hands dirty is extremely rewarding. Humans are also really big into instant gratification and while it may seem like a lot of work, creating things with your hands is the most gratifying thing I know. I'm sure you've never felt anything like it when you seed your first garden or pick the harvest several months later. Or the feeling when you finally light your first fire without using matches. There are only a few modern skills that make me feel this alive.


So without further ado, here are some common traditional skills to get you started:

• Building a fire
• Shooting a gun
• Sewing clothes
• Gardening and Composting
• Cooking and baking from scratch
• Car maintenance
• Building a shelter
• Archery
• Edible food identification
• Carpentry
• Blacksmithing
• Crocheting and Knitting
• Basket weaving
• Riding a horse
• Soap making

The first step to finding out more about these skills is to simply type them into Google. Keep a notebook to record what you learn, what you'd like to try next and any ideas or tips you run across. There are also many other bloggers teaching these skills including Country Farm Lifestyles and Save Our Skills.

There are so many traditional skills you will probably not be able to learn most of them in your lifetime. But you can focus on the ones you enjoy most and are already most familiar with. If you are a creative person you will probably be interested in sewing, crocheting or basket weaving. If you love to eat you'll probably be drawn to cooking and identifying edible foods. This list is to help you get started. Enjoy learning your new skills and follow your interests and excitement where they take you.


Have a great and creative weekend!

Entrepreneur Journal: How to get organized and stay sane while starting a new venture.

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Sane & Satisfied is a lot about empowering yourself with knowledge and skills to make your life work better and move forward toward whatever goals you have. The ultimate empowerment is being able to make a living by starting your own business. I have started 4 businesses in my life and I'm currently working on 3 at once. (It gets a little crazy but that's just how I roll.)

A couple years ago I started an Entrepreneur Journal to chronicle my journey, ideas, concerns and worries, tips, tutorials and anything else that I came across in order to help me be a better Entrepreneur. Even if you don't have any aspirations of starting your own business keeping a journal for projects or just for your Sane & Satisfied Journey will help your productivity and organization (and sanity).

The Entrepreneur Journal

Obviously Entrepreneur means someone who starts a business and takes on the risk involved. I also tend to classify people who are self starters and who start projects as pseudo-entrepreneurs because they share a lot of the same characteristics even though they may not become a business owner.

Grow Where You Are Planted

I saw the title of this post, "Grow where you are planted", inside a handmade card at a cafe downtown. When I read those words for the first time I felt a jolt go through me. It's the simplest phrase but it packs a powerful meaning.

Sometimes during the course of our hectic lives we forget about those things that made us giddy when we were younger. We get caught up in "what I'm supposed to do" land that we forget about what makes us, us. Or if you are like me, you look at others who are "successful" and want to be just like them but forget about all the steps they had to go through to get where they are now.

For a while I have felt like a failure because I couldn't get to where "they" are. My goals have been so lofty and 5 years out that every day I woke up I still felt miles away from my dream. I guess I finally realize what "Take it one day at a time" means.

Trees don't sprout immediately from seed to full grown Spruce. Roots must branch out and feel the earth around them, learning and gaining nutrients as they go. This slow progression builds the tree so strong that even though trees might get cut down the roots remain.

This concept is what separates phonies from the authentic.

Whatever is keeping you from your dreams whether it's a hectic life or someone yelling in your ear to, "Do This, Be This!" Remember that even though your roots may be weak right now they are still there and can point you in the right direction.

The Sane & Satisfied Way to Exercise

One of the tenants of Sane & Satisfied is that we are all individuals and just because a plan works for one person doesn't mean that it's the best plan for someone else. That tenant can be no truer for exercise.

Here on the Sane & Satisfied Blog I try to teach and encourage you to find your own way of doing things. Whether you are trying to lose weight, gain confidence, eat healthier or learn a new language you have a unique way of learning things. You also have your own unique set of motivations and inspirations to keep you going.

The Sane & Satisfied Checklist

The other day I saw something (doesn't matter what it was) and I automatically thought to myself, "That's Sane & Satisfied". And it occurred to me that I've never really laid down a set of criteria for something being Sane & Satisfied but somehow I just knew it was.

It's been difficult for me to put into words what exactly I mean by Sane & Satisfied but I thought it might be helpful for a newbie if I wrote a Sane & Satisfied Checklist. I envision this checklist being most helpful when you have to make a decision about something. That decision doesn't have to be life or death and can be as mundane as, "Should I say yes to helping out with the PTA this year?" Every choice we make takes up more of our time, energy and resources. So each choice can make us either more relaxed and happy or more stressed and unhappy. I find I'm most unhappy when I do things that go against my current path. Likewise, I'm most happy when I'm doing something in my element.

My Sane & Satisfied Journey

On Tuesday I spoke about why I started Sane & Satisfied Blog and what my goal is. Today I'd like to tell you about what's gone on in my life since I started this journey.

Before I started thinking about life in a Sane & Satisfied way I didn't really have direction. I also didn't feel like I was in charge of my life or had control over where my time and energy went. I was going to meetings for organizations that I wasn't passionate about anymore, I was saying yes to projects for myself and others that didn't fit in with what I really wanted to do with my life and I basically didn't have a focus. I felt I was wasting my time and that I was always having to start over.

I spent a lot of time in the self-help section too. I was trying to find a guidebook. But the problem was I didn't know why I needed guidance or where I wanted to be guided to. It finally dawned on me that this wasn't a way to live your life.

The Pros & Cons of A Pros & Cons List

When I first got the idea for this post I figured I was either going to be the only one who had ever thought of it or the topic would be exhausted. I have noticed (probably not a new revelation) that many bloggers and article writers tend to just copy what others have written so the internet is inundated with a bunch of the same regurgitated information. I did not want to add to the regurgitation. And I was pleasantly surprised that only a couple bloggers on the first page of a Google search wrote about this topic. Awesome.

Anywho... Here's my take on a Pros and Cons list.

Letting your interests guide you

I thought I would try my hand at a video post. It's about letting your interests guide to a better and more enjoyable life.

Highlights

• Spending time cultivating your interests is such a great multi-tasker.
• Your interests help remind you who you really are.
• Your interests keep you on track.
• You get immediate satisfaction.

Luck 101 Classes Do Not Exist

I just spent about 30 minutes reading some articles in the Self Help section of my Zite app. And I am irritated.

Not only did the articles not intrigue me, and not only were the writers not familiar with at least some form of correct grammar, they kept saying things like, "Understand what you want out of life." And "Just get out there and do something." Or in the article titled, Mark Zuckerburg's 8 Secrets of Success, the writer listed "luck" "timing" and "determination" among other ephemeral concepts.

They make it seem like you can take a Luck 101 class or Intro To Determination class.

Tea, Opening Days & How to make a Million

Wow, I've been away for while, haven't I?

Oh, well...let's pick back up, shall we...

So, I'm reading this book called The Tea Rose by Jennifer Donnelly. I usually read sci-fi and fantasy but I was drawn into this book because the main character moves from 19th Century London to America and starts a tea shop. I'm in love with starting new businesses (I've started 4 myself). I was also intrigued by the historical backdrop (Jack the Ripper makes a cameo).

Things Left Over, Responsible Things, & Promises to Myself

Everyday I wake up and go over in my head all the things I want to do during the day. This list always consists of:
1. Things left over from the previous day.
2. Responsible things like doing the dished, cleaning, exercising and such.
3. Things I've been wanting to do for a while but can't seem to find the time to do like draw something or work on a craft.
4. Things I promise myself I'll do everyday but never do like stay away from sweets or relax on my hammock.

This little routine is very exhausting. From the time I wake up to the time I go to bed I'm painfully aware of everything I'm not getting done each and every day. And these are things I actually want to accomplish. They are things I daydream about when I'm doing less enjoyable tasks like trying to figure out why a website isn't working right or driving a really long stretch of highway.

They are things that when I do finally get around to doing them I feel content and I feel like myself.

In my last post I wrote about self interest and how it shouldn't be as bad as we tend to think. Self interest is what makes our lives work for us It's what keep us alive and healthy and happy. Self interest is also what motivates us to quit a dead-end job in order to pursue our dream of opening a bakery.

So why doesn't self interest come to the rescue on days when I have a list of things I'd really want to do but never can seem to get done? Self help gurus would probably explain to me that I'm fearful of success or that I don't believe in myself. They would proceed to sell me their bright, shiney self help program designed to tackle my fears or a give me a mantra I repeat to myself every morning that's guaranteed to convince me that, "I can do it!"

I say, "Puh-Lease!"

Their conclusions might be correct but is the answer really to sit in front of a mirror willing my brain to do things? Aside from the fact that bad habits plays a big role in why we don't accomplish the things we want (and we all know how hard it is to break our nasty habits) we need to accept the fact that any change we make is not going to be easy. And isn't that what self help gurus are really trying to sell us: A quick fix.

Why do so many people try to over-complicate self improvement?
If you are like me and wake up in the morning wishing you were a published writer or that you speak French or you simply want to eat healthier then stop wasting time talking to yourself in the mirror and just take the first step already. You don't have to put labels on parts of your life. You don't have to follow someone else's 10 step program. Write your own 10 step program and make sure every step is an actual step toward your goals.

In Conclusion
Self help gurus and other experts make it seem like life is more complicated than it really is. And life is dreadfully complicated.

I do need to take my own advice, though. It's really hard to figure out what you want and to hold on to that quite, fragile notion all day, everyday is even harder. You don't have to practice for a better life. You can take actual, real steps right now. And each time you take action by learning a new skill or just getting off the coach you are already living your goal.