Things Left Over, Responsible Things, & Promises to Myself

Everyday I wake up and go over in my head all the things I want to do during the day. This list always consists of:
1. Things left over from the previous day.
2. Responsible things like doing the dished, cleaning, exercising and such.
3. Things I've been wanting to do for a while but can't seem to find the time to do like draw something or work on a craft.
4. Things I promise myself I'll do everyday but never do like stay away from sweets or relax on my hammock.

This little routine is very exhausting. From the time I wake up to the time I go to bed I'm painfully aware of everything I'm not getting done each and every day. And these are things I actually want to accomplish. They are things I daydream about when I'm doing less enjoyable tasks like trying to figure out why a website isn't working right or driving a really long stretch of highway.

They are things that when I do finally get around to doing them I feel content and I feel like myself.

In my last post I wrote about self interest and how it shouldn't be as bad as we tend to think. Self interest is what makes our lives work for us It's what keep us alive and healthy and happy. Self interest is also what motivates us to quit a dead-end job in order to pursue our dream of opening a bakery.

So why doesn't self interest come to the rescue on days when I have a list of things I'd really want to do but never can seem to get done? Self help gurus would probably explain to me that I'm fearful of success or that I don't believe in myself. They would proceed to sell me their bright, shiney self help program designed to tackle my fears or a give me a mantra I repeat to myself every morning that's guaranteed to convince me that, "I can do it!"

I say, "Puh-Lease!"

Their conclusions might be correct but is the answer really to sit in front of a mirror willing my brain to do things? Aside from the fact that bad habits plays a big role in why we don't accomplish the things we want (and we all know how hard it is to break our nasty habits) we need to accept the fact that any change we make is not going to be easy. And isn't that what self help gurus are really trying to sell us: A quick fix.

Why do so many people try to over-complicate self improvement?
If you are like me and wake up in the morning wishing you were a published writer or that you speak French or you simply want to eat healthier then stop wasting time talking to yourself in the mirror and just take the first step already. You don't have to put labels on parts of your life. You don't have to follow someone else's 10 step program. Write your own 10 step program and make sure every step is an actual step toward your goals.

In Conclusion
Self help gurus and other experts make it seem like life is more complicated than it really is. And life is dreadfully complicated.

I do need to take my own advice, though. It's really hard to figure out what you want and to hold on to that quite, fragile notion all day, everyday is even harder. You don't have to practice for a better life. You can take actual, real steps right now. And each time you take action by learning a new skill or just getting off the coach you are already living your goal.

Life's Purpose, "Giving back" & Why Self-Interest Really Isn't Bad

I just read an article on the Huffington Post by Douglas Labier titles, "Why It's So Hard to Find Your Life's Purpose". It's a pretty good read for being self-helpy - mostly because he actually acknowledges that books and programs that promise to show you how to find your life's purpose don't work.

But the main point of his article is that in order to find you life's purpose you must participate in "service to something larger than your ego". This sounds obvious. We've always been taught to help others and give to te greater good. As children we were taught to share with other children.

Labier's article is one of many examples I see every day about the nobility of giving to others. I run an after-school program called Entrepreneur Teens Rock that teaches teens how to start their own business. As part of the program they participated in Lemonade Day, a national organization that organizes young people to run a lemonade stand on the same day. In their kit they give to the kids to help them prepare for running their lemonade stand, the last chapter is called "Banking & Giving Back". It instructs the kids to open a savings account and encourages them to give some of their earnings to a charity for those who don't have the opportunity to run a lemonade stand.

I have no problem with giving to charity or those less fortunate. But I do have a problem with this notion that business, even a small one like a lemonade stand, only takes from its customers and others. I mean, didn't the youth who participated in Lemonade Day make their customers happy? Ok, you could say that it doesn't count because the customers paid for the refreshing cups of lemonade they received. The customers had to give something to the kids in order to get their lemonade.

So I just have one question: When you give to charity, you don't get anything in return? When you donate money to the Red Cross or collect food for the Food Pantry do you walk away with less then you had before?

While giving feels like a sacrifice you wouldn't do it unless it made you happy. Right? And when giving to charity or volunteering neglects to make you happy you either quit giving or you give begrudgingly. This is nothing to feel ashamed about.

Why is making people's lives better in exchange for money not as noble as making someone's life better in exchange for feeling good about yourself?

In his article, Labier does point out that self interest and the ego are a part of being human but in the next sentence he says we should strive to rise above our egos. It's not our egos and self interest that are the problem. Believe me, no matter what you do with your life your ego will be right there with you. The problem is that we don't embrace our self interest as a beautiful tool to judge the quality of our life.

The conclusion that Labier should have reached if he was being honest and respected his own self interest is that people who find their purpose in life are able to satisfy their self interest. The woman musician who starts a non-profit teaching music to inner-city kids is just as noble and in line with her life's purpose as the CEO of a multi-billion dollar company who provides thousands of jobs to people from all walks of life selling widgets that make our lives easier.

Your life's purpose can be anything. Even if it involves making money. Don't turn away from it because people like Labier make it seem less noble.

Honesty, Hogwash & Miracle Whip

Honesty keeps popping up when I think about Sane & Satisfied. And being honest matters most in the things you tell yourself and the things you think about yourself.

By nature, we tend to think poorly of ourselves. It's easy to believe in something negative about yourself and a lot more difficult to believe in something encouraging. Many people, mostly psychologists and self help gurus, will tell you to stop that negative thinking and repeat, "I am a wonderful person and people love me", while staring at yourself in the mirror.

What a bunch of nonsense drenched in hogwash.

They are forgetting two important things:
1. I don't know if anyone told you but we are flawed beings. Saying a human has a bad habit or a negative personality trait is like saying sunlight will burn you if you stand outside too long without sunscreen.
And 2. Stuffing our flaws in a mental closet and slapping a smile on our face doesn't make us better humans, only humans with repressed flaws.

Why are we so scared of ourselves?

We are taught by parents and teachers and bosses and marketing gurus and experts to hide our flaws. Even social media experts tell us to develop a "social media strategy" so every Tweet and post and status update is planned in perfect synchronization.

I saw a commercial for Miracle Whip the other day. They used a lo-fi technique to record people on the street give their opinion of Miracle Whip. Some people said they loved it but others said it tasted horrible and they prefer real Mayonnaise. This sort of marketing is unheard of. Not only did Miracle Whip point out its flaws but they even gave kudos to their competitor. Risky, ingenious and glaringly honest.

When a company tries so hard to hide its flaws it can miss a golden marketing innovation like Miracle Whip's commercial. The same applies to humans. WE try so hard to contain the perceived negative bits of ourselves that we smother the truth: We are flawed but in and among those flaws are beautiful bits of ourselves.

Your mother was right: Honesty is the best policy. If you want to improve yourself and your life the best thing you can do is be honest about whatever it is you think you need to change. And if you must stare at yourself in the mirror, start by saying, "I am not perfect and here's why..." Honesty just feels better.

Old Sayings, Control & a Fatalistic Human

Sometimes I wonder if any of us can really influence someone else to change. I think the old saying, "be the change you wish to see in the world" is more to the point than we want to except.

Humans are extremely complicated. Most of us don't understand our own selves so how could we possibly understand another human being?

It seems to me that most human energy is spent trying to control outside forces. We think that in order to be satisfied we have to control our world; make it do our bidding so we can be happy. I'm starting to wonder if we aren't just all afraid of ourselves.

We are afraid to learn new things, afraid to put ourselves out there both physically and emotionally, we don't want people to see our mistakes or quarks. We justify our actions and beliefs with society-approved logic. And all so we can live a seemingly peaceful existence with other humans who are just as unhappy and dishonest with themselves as we are.

Ok, I'm a little fatalistic today but having a week like I've had will do that to you. Probably should go to bed now...

Quests, Reunions & RPGs

I learn something new every day about being Sane & Satisfied. And today I learned that it has something to do with Role Playing Games. At least in part and at least for me.

I've never really been that into RPGs. The whole turn-based fighting really gets me. I do like being able to play with other people in a fictional world that you can control and manipulate. I really like RPGs that seemingly never end. Plus I love going on quests.

So what do role playing games have to do with Sane & Satisfied? I think it has something to do with the fact that even in real life we all have our Avatars who come out when particular circumstances arise. Certain people whether they are family members or just day-to-day acquaintances trigger particular strengths and weaknesses.

I just spent the weekend in a hotel with my family. It was an impromptu reunion. Normally I'm very outgoing and witty and am relaxed in the company of others. However, around some of my family I'm no more clever than a rock. They suck my energy dry and I can't think of a darn thing.

Now, when I'm around my husband, which is obviously an awful lot of the time, I usually think to myself that I should be a stand up comedian. I mean, I don't even have to try hard to be funny around him. Fortunately, I understand myself enough to realize that while my husband may be falling off his chair laughing that does not mean that a room full of half drunk people would be doing the same.

We all RPG through life. Which got me thinking: Who is the real true me?

I think that we understand unconsciously what skills and abilities we need to equip around certain people. This makes it seem like we are acting differently around them but I think that some of our natural traits are simply more prominent during these moments.

Maybe that's another way that RPG relates to Sane & Satisfied: when you don't know the real person behind the avatar you are fighting or raiding with you don't really know what personal abilities and traits to bring to the front. Most people think that gamers are trying to escape to a fantasy world but I wonder if gamers are more themselves than the rest of us are.